According to the dictionary, ‘disobedient’ means neglecting or refusing to obey. As a part of growing up, almost all the children disobey their parents at some time or the other. They defy the wishes of their parents when they don’t behave or act according to the parents’ will. As children grow they discover their individuality and express themselves.
Disobedience is one way for children to experience and achieve a sense of independence in their life. As they try to become more independent, minor conflicts occur with the parents and that is when they discover the boundaries of their parents’ rules and also their expectations from the child. Sometimes these minor conflicts become a routine and that changes the way parents and children interact in their daily living.
Sometimes, parents may not understand a child’s needs, wishes, and feelings and children should not be so intimidated by parents that they will not or cannot argue their case. Also, the child is not to be so inclined to obey or bow to authority that he/she grows up to be slavish. The issue is not how to command obedience, but rather how to encourage a child and parent to communicate with each other so that they have a win-win situation.
1. First, the parents, themselves, need to determine which of their children’s undesirable behaviors are really important enough to discourage and which other misbehaviors are trivial.
2. If the child is persistently disobedient, examine the source of his disobedience. These may include the family environment, how members of the family interact with each other, do the family members show respect to each other, how the family resolves it’s conflicts, is there any violent outbursts in the family, problems occurring in the child’s school etc.
3. When your child is obedient and respectful, compliment him for that behavior. Also, parents are example for their children and how they interact with them and other members of the family will influence the child’s behavior. He will learn to be respectful if you are respectful toward him and others in the family.
4. Co-create consequences with the child to achieve a win-win situation. First empathize with the child to see if something is bothering him/her. Understand the reason of the behavior, acknowledge his feelings and thoughts. Post that have a dialogue on how the situation can be managed in an amicable way – by understanding the consequences of our actions.