It’s the Parent’s “I know how to” syndrome which stops us to learn – which hold us back from converting the day to day struggle, in bringing up our children, to a fulfilling experience every day of our life.
When we had our first child, the following questions hit us!!
· How do I bring him up?
· I don’t know about life myself – what do I teach him?
· What’s good for him, what’s not?
· What’s right what’s not?
· What do I want for him?
He should enjoy every moment of his life… Not concerned about anything or anyone. Nothing should stop him. Nothing should bother him. He should be able to express himself without bothering about what others think of him. He should be happy regardless of the situation.
Just have fun and have a great life… BUT THEN is it possible – I could not see anyone around who had THIS… the answers to these questions we let these thoughts go / wish them away as random thoughts.
And am sure these questions would have troubled a lot, almost all the parents– OR are you as parents too busy with your survival issues that these do not come up at all – or these come up and since we don’t have the answers to these questions we let these thoughts go / wish them away as random thoughts.
The shift we need to make as parents is from “I know how to” to “I don’t know”. Starting from the question “I don’t know” gives us the opportunity to start thinking about it and to start finding out ways and means to make a difference in this area and explore.
Think about the gratification you experienced when you held your first born in your arms for the first time. The joy and happiness the child brought in your life. They defecating on you was acceptable! Their incorrect pronunciation and falling over was cute! But suddenly all the fun and cuteness got replaced by anxiety and expectations. The falling over was not acceptable. Mostly we say – that’s the way it’s always been (we grew up like that and we have turned out pretty well) and that’s the way it’s going to be. Let’s wonder why do we bring in another human being into this world and why does it have to be this way.
The good news is – it doesn’t have to be this way. So let’s open the door to learning how – by saying let’s explore because ‘I know how to’ closes the door of exploration and discovery..