Nowadays almost every parent complains the same, words may differ but they share almost the same kind of experience. For example
- “My child is not doing the same stuff which we are telling him/her to do”;
- “My child is not ready to listen and some time they listen but do not respond to the same”;
- “My child is not ready to listen when I want to talk to him/her” ;
- “My child tends to do opposite of what I tell him to do”.
Parents who continuously have these complain, do they ever talk to their children with intention and words which express their true feeling?
Let’s say for example:-
Daughter:“mom I want to go the party tonight at a friend’s friend house?”
Mother: “NO! You can’t!”
Daughter: “Moms please! All my friends are coming there.”
Mother:“no!you are not going, that’s final.”
At the end of this conversation the child is upset and the mother is also left…..
In this particular conversation between mother and daughter; the mother is concerned about the safety of her daughter.She may be getting worried about the new place and new people! But the mother didn’t communicate the same.
What her daughter is getting from the conversation is denial of permission for party and that she may feel that she can never ask for such things to the mother again and the mother is actually not ready to listen to her.
Let’s talk from intention and communicate the fears and feelings:
Daughter: Mom I want to go the party tonight at a friend’s friend house?
Mother: My dear, going for a party is pretty okay, but I am worried about sending you at strange people’s house. I love you and care for you. There are increasing numbers of abuse and molestation cases these day. So I am really not able to decide whether to send you there or not.
Stay calm and connect to the feelings
Children often complain that parents do not understand what they say and are also not ready to listen. At the same time parents complain the same. Often parents are full of their own emotions and as a result they are not able to see the feelings and emotions of their child. Try to acknowledge your own feelings and then look at the things and the requirements of a situation from children’s angle. Don’t shout at them. Be their friend.
Be a good listener first
The most common complaint of parents these days is of children throwing TANTRUMS and that they don’t listen to them anymore.First try to listen what your child is really talking about. If child is yelling and shouting instead of having proper conversation, just remember to remain calm and composed and if you respond to them, respond with calmness because after one or two calm responses the child may get calm in their response too. Most people already use this technique in their day to day life such as when communicating with an authoritative figure, business meetings etc but they don’t apply this with their children.
So the louder your child yells the softer you must respond.